Henry and Kristl enter the Mists of Avalon (2001)

"So ever read the book?" Henry asked, "Seems like the kind of book you
would have read, in your days..."

Kristl frowned, "My days? Sounds like I have outlived my shelf live. "

"Eh.. Well I mean, from when you were younger. When you read these
books. Fantasy and such."

Kristl gave Henry a look, "Gosh, you are starting to scare me."

"Scare you?"

"Well, you are actually right, I have not read much fantasy for a long
time. I got a bit tired with the copy and paste books that flooded the
market. And we did not have the internet then to figure out the good
from the bad. Or even the mediocre from the bad. You had to read the
blurb and page through the book. Hundreds of them."

"See.. I can listen," Henry smiled sanguinely.

"Oh.. ah.. Well, we might even make a good woman out of you yet."

"Let's not go overboard now."

"But the answer is no. I picked it up once as it had intriguing cover
of a woman riding a horse and holding something up. A staff I think.
Like a magic user."

"And?"

"I gave it a try but never got past the first few pages. Perhaps I had
lost interest in the whole Arthur legend at that time. The Arthur
legend was another dead horse that was beaten ad nausea."

"But did you read it , Henry?" Kristl asked.

"Nuu.. Fantasy is not my kind of thing."

"So what do you think of this women movie."

"Well.. it is a bit quaint."

"Quaint?" Kristl said.

"Well it was nice to see eh the woman side of it all, but it was kind
of uneventful."

"No kick ass girls in this one."

"And full of 'functional' sex and even incest. I mean. It was as if the
whole woman side of the Arthur legend consisted of scheming,
backstabbing, incest and sex."

"Apparently."

"I wonder if it was written by a man.. a misogynistic one, " Henry
said.

Kristl laughed, "I was told Marion Zimmer Bradley was a woman. Perhaps
the book gives a more favorable angle on the story. Turning a book into
a movie usually means that the story has to be condensed and suffer."

"Yeah."

"I wonder if you can follow the story if you do not have some
background information. Like it is never quite explained why Lot hates
Arthur."

"Some things are also strange. Like when Uther Pendragon sneaks into
the castle of Gorlois, disguised as Gorlois, and beds Igraine she gets
knocked up and then marries Pendragon, " Henry said.

"Hmm," Kristl said.

"Strange is also the decision of Morgause to spare Mordred. She first
wants to kill him when he is a newborn baby but when the delirious
Morgaine blurts out he is actually Arthur's son, she spares him..But
why? They say that when Arthur has no sons, they are next in line for
the throne. So why let Mordred live?"

"I got the feeling that much what was in the book could not be put into
the movie and thus we lack events that probably would make the story
more 'sensible'," Kristl said.

"Another strange thing is the passivity of Morgaine. I mean it seems
like almost everything is happening to her and she is a bit helpless in
the face of it. Like oh, right I am taken away to this Island to become
a priestess. Oh right, I have to have sex with this guy in some ancient
ritual. Oh right, I am to be married off to king Uriens."

"Oh wow, that was one of the dumbest scene ever. Arthur discussing with
Uriens to arrange for a wedding and then when they ask Morgaine if she
wants to marry this 'royal person' from Wales, they forget to mention
that is was the father Uriens they meant and not his son. That was so
lame. As if such political decisions were done in such a offhand
manner. I would grant that Morgaine would probably have had no choice,
but the movie suggests it was a mistake and that she could not back out
after it had been arranged for fear of Uriens losing face."

"So?" Henry said.

"To wrap it up?" Krisl queried.

"Still a reasonable movie to watch, I think. Just for the story line."

"And the acting is decent. Not very good, but passable."

"Yeah. But the fighting and magic is lame. It is as if people are
afraid of hurting each other. And that absurd way of fighting of
Mordred. Did he travel to China to learn that tactic?" Henry said and
continued, "And did it not strike you as odd that Morgaine at one time
suddenly became this killer fighter? Throughout the whole movie we see
her never touch a sword and then when she gets ambushed she kills half
a dozen of these Saxon raiders. Wow. Way to go girl."

"I think fighting came natural to women in those days. Men had to work
hard for it," Kristl smiled.

"Yeah.. right. As 'natural' as in that women always hit something when
they park their cars backwards."

"Not much of a 'skill'. And not true at all. A fable. A persistent
recurring one. I wonder if we are still claimed to bump into things
while parking when flying spacecrafts."

"Well fables tend to linger on.. so I guess you are stuck with it one
way or another. It just morphs into something new."

"And no doubt we will be seeing another Arthur legend.. maybe next time
it will be about gay relations."

"Or aliens."

"Or gay aliens."

"Now that is an idea."

Henry and Kristl did not last to see 13 Assassins

"Gosh," said Henry.

He and Kristl were both gaping at the large screen that adorned one
side of the wall and which had, mercifully, gone black. A soft sound of
static emitted from the screen. It was the only sound in the otherwise
silent room.

Kristl pressed a button on her wrist watch and glanced at the display.

"Fifteen minutes."

"That long?" Henry gasped.

Kristl nodded.

"Maybe we can skip to the fight, you know the one that is claimed to be
the best since.. Kill Bill?", Henry said.

"I somehow got the feeling that it will be as brutal, sadistic,
gruesome and otherwise revolting as the part of the movie that we have
seen up till now. In fact; I would not want to chance it, even if there
was a small chance that it will turn out to be otherwise."

"Uhm?"

"You think it will?" Kristl stared at him.

"I lost you there... Yet, you know, Kill Bill. It was a great fight
scene. I assume that they mean the fight between the bride and the 99."

"Well the suggestion is there. Assumption and all that."

"It makes me so curious. Just to see if it is really that great."

"The filmmakers would be happy then. They got you hooked by just
alluding to Kill Bill. You immediately draw comparisons. It creates
expectations without actually promising much and thus you want to watch
the movie.Smart advertising."

Henry nodded.

"But just think of this. How many of the movies we have seen started
out one way and then turned into something completely different along
the way?"

"Well.. not that many."

"So what is the likelihood that a movie starting out with one sickening
scene after the other, done in drab colors, populated with
interchangeable characters, done in an unremarkable style and devoid of
humor, will become the opposite in the end? Will become to resemble
Kill Bill?"

"Not very likely..."

"So why should I want to suffer all that just in the forlorn hope that
it might turn out to be different?"

"Eh.. because maybe it will?"

"Okay.. I can not stop you from trying, but I rather watch something
that I like to watch and I think might be watchable till the end. Let's
pop in another movie?"

"We got Azumi and Azumi 2?," Henry smiled at Kristl.

"More Japanese swordplay?"

"Yes. Was that not the reason we actually wanted to watch this one in
the first place: to compare them?"

"That is true."

"Besides.. it has a girl as the lead and.."

"...you like kick-ass girls.." Kristl sighed.

"Nothing wrong with that."

"Only that it is sexist."

"At least it is not grisly."

"As if the one precludes the other."

"Uh? What do you mean?"

"There are some twisted people out there."

"Yeah."

"I hope they remain out there and out of my mind. I find those twisted
images and thoughts disturbing."

"Right."

"One more reason not to watch this movie."

"If you think so. I wish it had a sassy fighter girl..I would have
watched it.. In a skirt that is almost to short.. Like Azumi."

"Pervert."

"Thanks sooo much."

"You are welcome."

www.meritcoba.com

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1436045/

Henry and Kristl space out on The Road(2009)

“Bleak, bleaker, bleakest. Is there a word that would top bleakest?”

“Sunshine,” Henry said.

“Sunshine?” Kristl’s jaw dropped and she gave Henry a look of incredulity.

“Yes. It certainly would top bleakest.”

“I am somehow missing…”

“After the rain comes sunshine. Every dark cloud has silver lining. Come winter, come summer. So despair will inevitably result in..?”

“I am not sure that..”

“Sure you are sure.. look at yourself,” Henry beamed

“What?”

“Well, you are not hesitant to point out that you do not like war, while having spent a lot of time reading about it, watching war movies and writing about it. What would you say would be the lesson from all of that?”

“That war is hell and a waste of time and lives?”

“Sure.”

“So what does that say about this movie?”

“That bleak movies suck, can be turned of f and one goes to watch a bunch of nice movies that have uplifting nice endings and then you suddenly feel a lot better about watching films like,” Henry paused for a moment, “like...romantic comedies.”

“Those would top bleakest to,” Kristl shivered and then continued, “They make me feel down. Like this movie does.”

Henry suddenly rose, walked out of the viewing room and returned a few minutes later with a cup of tea which he handed to Kristl, “Have this yourself a nice cup of tea.”

Tea, Henry knew, was something handy to hand out. Even the most dedicated addict would not turn down a cup of tea and it gave you a nice feel to drink something warm.

“How come you are so..”

“Undepressed?”

“Yes, I mean. Geez,  this movie is.. I mean, well the world turns to shit and everyone is dead or dying and the only livestock that is left to eat are other humans. And even when they are not trying to have you for dinner they want to rob you or profit in another way from you.  And this in a landscape drained of color except for sepia and grim gray. The only thing that is positive is the dedication of the father to the son.  But that is even more depressing as it is either naive or totally at odds with what is happening. So what is the point ? At some they finally end up at a place where we hear the father says that at the other side of the ocean a father and a boy, just like them, are probably sitting and wondering if there is a better place to go? If there is no hope, why not take the gun and shoot your son and yourself before you run out of bullets? If you love him, would you not do that to spare him the suffering that lies ahead? I do not even understand why they would drag on when..,” Kristl swallowed hard.

Henry sat down next to Kristl and put his arm around her and for once she did not stiffen the first few seconds, “Gosh, Kristl it is just a movie.”

“A well acted movie. Well shot. I mean.. look at the cinematography, but in the end it is  not much different from say a movie like…. 'The hobbit, the desolation of Smaug.' Or one of the Lord of the Rings movie  for that matter,” Henry said.

“WHAT?”

“Well, it is about a make believe world, with make believe people, undergoing make believe experiences and acting in a make believe manner.”

Kristl smiled thinly at that, “You can not compare...this to.. It is in a whole different category.”

“Or say.. ‘Go west’, by the Marx Brothers,” Henry continued.

“But that is even… I mean that is an absurd movie.. With absurd people in it..totally wacky.. That is what a Marx brothers movie is..”

“Remember the train station scene you showed me once? It is from that movie”

“Yes.. That is very funny, but...”

“Totally wacky.. over the top nonsense.”

“Yes.. but.”

“Did it make you laugh?”

“well.. yes.. it..”

“Does it make you feel better thinking about it?”

“Yes..”

“Some people have that with romantic comedies.”

“Yes..but...”

“And so... wait.. Listen to this little story?”

“What..”

“A guy is hitting himself on the head with a hammer and in comes another guy who asks him.. why do you do that? Well.. he says, it feels so nice when I stop doing it.”

“That is absurd.”

“So there is your answer.”

“Huh?”

“I feel so undepressed because the movie ended. Somewhat cheerfully than expected. But it is done.”

“Uh.”

“In one movie one actor concludes a process by throwing a ring into the fires of the mountain after being beset upon by evil beings while wandering through a desolate landscape. In this movie they do the same, more or less, except the ring is now a boy and they do not throw him into the fires.. well not literally.”

“That is some comparison.”

“Yup, except this movie is more bleak because no doubt we are in a depression, so movies like these get made, just like we had this upsurge of disasters movie in the seventies of the last century, with earthquakes, meteors and global nuclear war threatening earth. And now we have that again. As sign of the times. But it’s just as much nonsense as any other movie.. including ‘Go West.”

“That one is at least funny.”

“So let’s watch that as an antidote to the bleakness of movies like The Road.”

“Let’s..”

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0898367/

Henry and Kristl spied out Fort Apache, The Bronx(1981)

“I liked this movie!.” Kristl said while she leaned back into the couch as the credits rolled. She laid her black combat boots on the raised woodwork that Henry recently had made in front of the screen to enhance the mood of them being in a regular movie theater.It was part of Henry’s ongoing project to turn their garage-turned-cinema into a movie theater for real. That is why the walls had people like Katherine Hepburn, James Coburn and  Humphrey Bogart staring into the room from old movie posters that adorned the walls. Kristl had remarked something about being subjected to the scrutiny of dead people.
Behind them were lines of those folding movie chairs, which were non functional, as that had made them cheap, but still gave the feel that at any one time the room could be filled with a throng of people carrying big bags of popcorn and soda pops.

 “It was an engaging movie. I mean I sort of could connect with Paul Newman. And it gave me a feeling that what you saw was real. Not embellished or made to look heroic or just distorted for the sake of getting a message across.”

 “Hmm.”  Henry said.

 “Are you going to say…. that you did not like it?” Kristl said.

 “I feel pretty depressed.” Henry said.

 “Well, it seems to have been a depressing place. The south Bronx.”

 “There isn’t  really anything heroic. Not even the main lead is. I mean.. where does this all go? I feel a bit like when we watched The Road. Utter bleakness.Grey on grey.. and nothing is going to get better.”

 “Well, there is this human story of Paul Newman. Who as a veteran cop, still remains a cop, even after all what happened.”

 “Yeah.. but it felt like: you are no good for anything else, so what else are you going to do but be what you already are: a loser cop stuck in a dead end job, with an attitude and mostly shady colleagues for friends. And most of them are no good,  being racist, scumbags, lazy shifts and so on. At some point that new commissioner remarks how many of them are not doing their jobs. It is a dead end place. It is where the dirt is gathering because it can’t slide any deeper.”

 “The new commissioner. That was Ed Asner. I think that it was around that time he played Lou Grant. It was nice to see him act.”

 “Never heard of him.”

 “It was before your time.”

 “It definitely was. That's a movie from 1981.”

 “I was a teen then.”

 “No less. And did you already have those white spikes for hair?”

 “Not exact, they were blue or pink at the time.”

 “Geesh. You did not change much overtime.. except for getting older...” Henry wisely avoided in saying: more portly..

 “Actually I did. I got older and I changed back to what I was.”

 “I see.  A trip to nostalgia.”

 “Perhaps.”

 “Most of what you see in the movie I did see before. I think they call that a cliche. The good cop - bad cop thing. The new commissioner that wants to clean up the precinct. The bad cops killing people. The cocky bad guy.” 

 “Perhaps that is true, but maybe it is because much of those ideas became cliche in hindsight?”

 “Maybe..”

  “It does seems to  focus on the cops..if there are any other people those are either criminals or dope-heads. When you say that the police station is called Fort Apache because it is like a fort in the wilderness that protects the ‘good’ citizen, it would be nice if you got an idea of who they are protecting..”

 “I think I would rather see an action movie in which the good guys win and the bad guys lose.” Henry said, “Much more uplifting.”

 “But in a way it is uplifting. I mean the end is that the bad cop is arrested. The good cop stays on. There is even a sort of understanding between the commissioner and the main guy. And finally his colleague says he will stick with the good cop when he ‘rats’ on the bad cop.”

 “Hm.. I still feel depressed. I feel like I am in a sinking ship and the only thing I can do is to bail out the water with a paper cup. You could say: cool.., a paper cup is better than nothing, but I think it is not much better. It does not make you feel very happy.”

 “Is that the purpose of a movie? Make you feel happy?”

 “You don’t mean to say it should make you feel unhappy?!”

 “uhm.. I mean it can be meant to make you think or give you insight into the life of someone else. A glimpse of their life.”

 “A dim glimpse.”

 Kristl nodded.

 “I go for a beer.” Henry said.



http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082402/

Henry and Kristl turned Red: Werewolf hunter (2010)

“Red.”  Henry said. He had slightly raised his voice because he liked to shake up Kristl. Sometimes he suspected her of nodding off, so he felt at obliged to wake her up. He could do no less.

“Yes?” Kristl sat up..

“And everyone is dead.” Henry continued.

“Quite dead..except for Red herself.”

“Even her lover gets killed in the end, by herself no less. Poor Red.”  Henry said.

“I wonder where that kid comes from that sits on her lap at the end scene.” Kristl said, “I wonder many things. Like why make another werewolf movie?”

“That is simple. It is circle of movies. Vampires, werewolves and zombies. One after the other. We have had a vampire hype, we have zombie hype, we will probably see a werewolf hype.”

“And so on. Werewolves do get to be a bit boring, but at least they tried to add some different take to the story. I liked it that Red was not a such a tough chick with no feelings and they added this complication in that her lover was also turned into a werewolf against his will.”

“Yeah, but the low budget made it suffer. I mean when it came down to the combat scenes and showing the werewolves themselves it became quite crappy, especially in those scenes were the werewolves change shape.” Henry felt the stubs on his jaw.

“You had a rough night?” Kristl remarked.

“Yeah.. stayed up late.”

“And drank too much.”

“That too.”

“So was the movie enjoyable, considering the state you are in?”

“Well sort of. It did feel like a rip off from underworld, but a lame one.” Henry said.

“Yeah. And there was nothing remarkable about how it was filmed. I even had the feeling it was a seventies or eighties movie, but it is made in 2010.”

“There are a few nice scenes, like when she was a little girl see a werewolf attack her mother while Red is hiding up in the attic. Or when she walks into the forest clocked in a red blanket. Or wakes up after having slept in the leaves on the forest floor.” Kristl added, “Still the movie falls short in everything. For instance there is a strong reference to Little Red Riding Hood and the movie starts out like a modern version, but this is never referenced or used in any fashion. The romance is wooden and stale. And nothing is done with fact that Red is actually an FBI agent.

“And except for a few scenes, the whole cinematography technique of this movie is just sloppy. Like back lighting in the woods is a strong green hue. It is not scary, it just plain odd.”

“But it isn’t too bad a movie.” Henry said.

“Maybe not. If they had just a tad more budget, cut down on the cgi and had the actors act better it might have been decent, now it is just a less-than-decent movie.”

“A time waster really.”

“Good you had your fun yesterday.”

“Yeah, lame movies are good for recovering from hangovers.” Henry nodded his head, then regretted it.

“And to take a nap.”  Kristl said, “You miss nothing when you do.”

“Right.”

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1626201/